Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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