Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
