he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
