Having a random hookup so left but love u
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
