im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
