Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
