please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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