from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
