Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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