i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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