She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
