Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize