But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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