bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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