nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
