I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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