wanna go halves on a baby?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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