marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
