Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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