did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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