Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
