So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
