and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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