Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize