we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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