I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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