When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
