Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
