loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
