that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
