So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
my liver is dry heaving
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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