some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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