I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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