he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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