I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
