Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
