you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
