she was so not down for the gang bang
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize