i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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