dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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