Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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