I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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