I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
