I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
