im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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