She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
