there's paper in my vomit.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
