where am i from again
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How external is "for external use only"?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
