I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
my liver is dry heaving
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
