You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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