i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
