News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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