it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
