had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize