What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize