Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
