I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
