dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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