Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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