my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
