There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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