I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize