Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
