My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My balls are so social today.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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