Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
