I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
