Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
