love makes seman taste better
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
