Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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