Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
