'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
