Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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