fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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