Why does Corona taste like a burp?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
