I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
